The Mummy
Returns (2001)  Check
your brain at the door of The Mummy Returns you won't need it.
The sequel to
Stephen Sommers' 1999 smash is terribly silly and utterly implausible.
But even though it's preposterous enough to make
Indiana Jones movies seem like gritty documentaries, The Mummy
Returns is a delightful romp, overflowing with wild action, stunning
special effects, and
Baron
Munchausen-esque flights of fancy. Just don't go expecting anything
resembling realistic action or historical accuracy.
It's 1932, 10 years after The Mummy and Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and Evelyn O'Connell neι Carnahan (Rachel Weisz) still haven't learned their lesson. Despite having nearly ended the world by unearthing the cursed corpse of the high priest Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo) in the first film, the couple is back, plundering another ancient Egyptian tomb. And wouldn't you know it, this one contains a golden bracelet, key to bringing back another unsavory undead creature, a rather disagreeable half-arachnid, half-zombie monster called the Scorpion King. But the Scorpion King wasn't always an ill-tempered, fake-looking, computer-generated denizen of the netherworld: In a spectacular, all-too-brief intro we see him as a charismatic, mighty warrior, played by Dwayne Johnson (aka the Rock). Say what you will about pro wrestling namely, it sucks but you can't deny that the Rock oozes star quality. It's easy to see why Universal already has a Scorpion King film in pre-production he's the most charismatic barbarian since Conan, dispatching whole companies of Egyptian infantry with a few strokes of his sword. However, the Rock's charisma is just icing on the cake, since the introduction is wall-to-wall special effects. First there's a huge, Gladiator-like conventional battle between the Scorpion King's army and Egyptian forces, followed by the magic-enhanced massacre of the hapless pyramid-builders by the army of Anubis, a 100,000-strong horde of jackal-headed zombies who serve the death god. See, after losing the first battle, the Scorpion King promises Anubis his soul if he could return, slaughter the Egyptians, and sack their capital Thebes. The dark lord of the Egyptian underworld obliges, asking only that the once-proud general serve him for all eternity as a misshapen demon. As it happens, this unholy beast only manifests itself when someone puts on its golden bracelet and enters his final resting place. Guess who that lucky person is? None other than Evelyn and Rick's 9-year-old rugrat Alex (Freddie Boath), an overly curious Egyptology whiz with a knack for getting into trouble. (Luckily, he's not nearly as annoying as most on-screen tykes.) The lad wastes no time, immediately slingshot-sniping a few unsavory mercenaries working for Meela (Patricia Velasquez), the modern reincarnation of Anck-Su-Namun, Imhotep's lover. Meela is fully aware of her past life, and heads a cult of red-and-black-clad fanatics determined to resurrect Imothep and give him the bracelet. With the bracelet comes control of the army of Anubis, and quickly thereafter, the end of the world ... again. However, just because The Mummy Returns has a complex set-up doesn't mean it requires much thought. It's the definition of a popcorn movie, a light, often-derivative entertainment full of spills, chills, and thrills you can take the kids to. But Sommers' brand of brainlessness is less pernicious than Michael Bay's or pre-Patriot Roland Emmerich's. Why? Because he embraces his films' preposterousness and has fun with their absurdity, as opposed to alternating between the dramatic tropes and MTV-style camerawork of Independence Day or Armageddon. Deep Rising, Sommers' much-maligned first effort was the equivalent to a Roger Corman movie with big-budget effects, a campy joy provided it is taken as such. The Mummy was much the same, the equivalent of a hilarious, cartoony 1930s serial packed with the best eye candy Industrial Light and Magic had to offer. Besides one idiotic melodramatic interlude towards the finale, The Mummy Returns is similar, running roughshod over any audience disbelief and its own historical gaffes with a sandstorm of tongue-in-cheek humor and stunning effects. For example, when our heroes escape a massive waterfall aboard a zeppelin equipped with jet engines, do we care that they weren't invented yet? Hardly it's too enjoyable watching them flitter off to a desert oasis like a high-tech Peter Pan. When the film flashes back to an ancient Egyptian catfight between Anck-Su-Namun and Seti's daughter, does it matter that they're using Chinese Sai swords? Not really you're too preoccupied with the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon-aping spectacle of two lovely badasses trying to stick each other with exotic weapons. And the army of Anubis ... well, you won't believe your eyes. And you don't have to it's only pretend, so just enjoy it. TOR THORSEN
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